Alternativet 2.0 - Dialog mellem medlemmerne

HVORDAN UNDGÅ AT GÅ I FORSVARSPOSITION - TIL ALLES BEDSTE:
Hvordan man kommer/forbliver ‘grøn’ (høns? politikkere?)/
How to become/stay ’green’ (chickens? politicians?) :hugs::joy::seedling::

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Kære Helle!
Tak for den. Håber den når ud til rigtig mange, og at vi alle prøver at finde ud af, hvordan vi kan undgå at gå i forsvarsposition og forblive grønne.
Jeg kan dog ikke finde anvisninger på, hvordan vi undgår at være røde, agressive, arrogante, sakastiske som udgangspunkt. Jeg kan godt se, at man kan reagere sådan i forsvar. Men Tim starter med at sige, at der er grønne og røde høns. Han opdrætter endda røde høns, der afpiller hinanden fuldstændig i gensidog aggression, går jeg ud fra. Ingen af dem undgår altså at forsvare sig, og det ender galt. Men gør man røde høns grønne ved ikke at forsvare sig overfor dem?
Er problemforflygtigelse, tavshed, ikke at ville indgå i dialog forsvar eller angreb?

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TO COMPETE EXTERNALLY YOU MUST COLLABORATE INTERNALLY!

RESOLVING CONFLICT - BUILDING COLLABORATION!

MANAGING OWN DEFENSIVENESS! HOW TO DO THAT?:

AIM: TRUST, COLLABORATION AND RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

Green zone behaviour:

  • Supportive
  • Collaborative
  • Highly skilled at collaboration => Produce more eggs (or whatever)!
  • Creative/create smart solutions
  • Building relations

When taught to be more collaborative:

  • Trust goes up/Conflict level goes down
  • Become positive roll models: Teach others how to dissolve differences without destroying each other - or going to war with each other

BACKGROUND/WHY DO WE GET RULED BY FEAR?:

If/when we are feeling vulnerable: we get defensive (it’s being human).

Fears that comes up all the time (and that we don’t wan’t to feel or face):

  • Feeling non-significant
  • Feeling lacking competence
  • Not feeling liked/included

Defensiveness helps us hide these fears from ourselfs (try to ‘protect us’)!

WHAT TO DO? HOW TO REGAIN GREEN ZONE/‘NON-DEFENSIVENESS’?:

Pay attention to when you are entering into your own personal defensiveness.

Find own personal ‘signs of defensiveness’ - to warn and to correct for.

What could be your own ‘early warning system’ to look out for (ask family!)?:

  • Withdrawal into deadly silence
  • Palying poor me
  • All or nothing thinking
  • Wanting to be right
  • Blaming or shaming others
  • Sudden drop in IQ/confusion
  • High charge of energy in the body
  • Catastrophizing everything
  • Wnating the last word
  • Obsessive thinke
  • Flooding with information to prove a point

WHEN YOU OBSERVE YOU ENTER INTO DEFENSIVENESS:

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO RE-ENTER INTO NON-DEFENSIVENESS:

  • Acknowledge you act like you are in defense
  • Slow down
  • Check negative self-talk
  • Create a personal action step for your defensive behaviour
  • Start over - this is a process to be practized again and again and…
  1. Acknowledge to yourself that you are getting defensive - to enable you to be doing something about it.
  2. Slow down your physiology: Take some deep breaths, go for a walk round the building, embrace the physical sensation you have right now.
  3. Enlighten you mind turning your thoughts into positive self-talk/affirmations: Eventual use inspiration for doing that from this chart - choosing the positive affirmation from the right side of this chart ‘Creator consciousness’ examples:
    NEGATIVE SELF-TALK -> POSITIVE SELF-TALK
    I am dangerous… My body hurts -> My body is safe, even though I may be feeling afraid
    There is not enough for me -> The entire physical universe exists to support me and love me
    Feelings hurt -> It is safe for me to feel all my feelings
    I have no choice -> I am the one who chooses what to think and how to use my energy
    I must have done something wrong -> I am the innocent child of a gentle God
    No one is listening to me -> I am an expression of love
    I am alone and separate -> I am connected in love to all that lives and all that breathes
    Life hurts -> I am spirit manifest in beautiful form

Examples from earlier if f.ex.:
Feeling non-significant: ‘I matter - my presence make a healing difference’.
Feeling lack of competence: ‘I am highly competent at what I am doing’.
Feeling not liked: ‘The entire physical universe supports me and loves me’.

  1. Create ACTION STEP directed towards sign of defence: Like taking some deep breaths. Stop talking if you talk all the time. Don’t get defensive. (You get reminded about what you are doing, and you lighten up your mood).
  2. Re-iterate/come back to the process again and again - will only get better.

NOW IT’S TIME TO BEGIN PRACTISING:

  1. Create your personlaized EARLY WARNING SYSTEM
  2. Create an ACTION STEP and practice it

GOD FORNØJELSE - Fra Helle <3

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Kære Christa,
Jeg har forsøgt at give mit eget referat af denne xTED talk.
Jeg tror ikke det handler så meget om, hvordan man ‘udvendigt takler andre’. Det handler mere om, hvordan man kan sikre sig, at man selv kommer fra sit eget mest centrerede rolige konstruktive samarbejdende sted. Hvor man ikke lader sig skræmme af, hvad andre eventuelt kan bringe op i en selv af negatative tanker, hvad man kommer til at tænke og føle om sig selv i samvær med andre. At man forbereder sig på mest konstruktive vis/bedst muligt ‘ruster sig’ til at kunne tåle hvad som helst udefra - også ens eventuelt negative egne tanker om sig selv omkring evt. manglende signifikans og betydning. Giver det mening Christa? Der er tale om et indre arbejde, som man kan have stor glæde af at have arbejdet med… God aften fra Helle

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Hvor er jeg enig Helle, og tak for at dele denne video!

Den minder mig om et mindfullnes forløb jeg har været igennem. En mere bevidst tilgang og væren. Og så tænker jeg på alle de gange jeg har fået at vide: “tæl til 10” :wink: - så simpel en manøvre, kan sikre et mere balanceret udgangspunkt for de samtaler man vælger at gå ind i.

Lad os hjælpe hinanden godt på vej!

Kh Nanna

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